tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22113198.post9056810184999358758..comments2023-05-22T06:20:27.121-04:00Comments on It's not me, it's you: There are two kinds of women on the planet.reneehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11045339757296785832noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22113198.post-28704952865250593352010-12-01T08:38:18.794-05:002010-12-01T08:38:18.794-05:00HHG: Thanks - hope you'll return to the blog f...HHG: Thanks - hope you'll return to the blog from time to time. <br /><br />Sincerely - thank you for the (succinct!) feedback.reneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11045339757296785832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22113198.post-45165615095025742862010-12-01T06:07:33.043-05:002010-12-01T06:07:33.043-05:00its different and a good one Reneeits different and a good one ReneeMr. Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01891836719416609527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22113198.post-63262288615762419822010-11-22T09:26:42.261-05:002010-11-22T09:26:42.261-05:00Richard! I salute you for your honesty and love t...Richard! I salute you for your honesty and love that you copped to your true nature. <br /><br />What do you think; a 12-step program for people like us? <br /><br />"Hi, I'm Renee."<br />"Hi Renee." <br />"I don't own a holiday sweater...."<br /><br />"Hi, I'm Richard." <br />"Hi Richard." <br />"I love opera and chick flicks." <br /><br />Ongoing support to 'fess up to the entire world - that's what we need. <br /><br />Thanks, as always, for your feedback here!reneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11045339757296785832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22113198.post-74609412941513217392010-11-22T09:18:19.357-05:002010-11-22T09:18:19.357-05:00Lots of anonymous comments on this one, Renee. Bu...Lots of anonymous comments on this one, Renee. But I am willing to come out now as a man who's a gay woman inside. [Or maybe it's a gay man - I'm not sure], and I don't care who knows.<br /><br />I watch NO sports, either on TV or by going to sporting events. Once I went with a group to an Iron Pigs game, but only made it to the 6th inning. I listen to Opera, even my wife hates that. I love "chick flicks" - give my Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn any day.<br /><br />I will be totally lost on Thanksgiving. Sitting around with the guys, belching and watching football is not much to be thankful for. The women really don't want me around. I guess it's Chutes & Ladders with the nieces and nephews again.Richardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02762376674580231485noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22113198.post-10227752733951105042010-11-20T16:05:12.318-05:002010-11-20T16:05:12.318-05:00Thank you for weighing in with an interesting pers...Thank you for weighing in with an interesting perspective, Anon/O.G.P. <br /><br />I hope you don't take this the wrong way but it cheered me up enormously to hear that men struggle with this stuff, too. And that trying to balance life doesn't quite work out the way Iron John seemed to tell you it would. <br /><br />Your phrase - 'know that we did our best' - caught me off guard to some extent. It gets thrown around quite a bit (I've said it scores of times, especially to the boys) and never really considered what I meant by that. For some reason, it jumped out to me today. <br /><br />This time, instead of focusing on the "best" part, I thought about the "our" part. In other words, my best is mine alone. My dad used to say it to us when we were little and I think he understood the personal nature of the statement, not the "achievement" part of it.<br /><br />Thanks for prompting a nice memory for me. And thank you again for weighing in with thoughtful feedback on the post.reneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11045339757296785832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22113198.post-68275863346761963262010-11-20T13:28:24.299-05:002010-11-20T13:28:24.299-05:00The simple fact is, Renee, that we can't "...The simple fact is, Renee, that we can't "have it all," your first commenter notwithstanding (I really have to question how much enjoyment she gets out of life. The "do-it-all" people I've met tend to approach things with a machine-like drive that seems from the outside to take any kind of joy out of what should be a fun task). I think that is where so much of our generational angst comes from -- male or female. <br /><br />We were told all our lives that we could have it all, but when reality steps in then something suffers -- we sacrifice family time for career or a career for family. Women were told they should be stronger, more aggressive, more opportunistic and men were told they should be softer, more emotional and more approachable. It may work for some, but not for all. We can't all be everything. And we shouldn't try. Baskin-Robbins has 33 flavors because some people want more than vanilla and chocolate. We need different flavors of people, too, because that's what makes life interesting.<br /><br />So let the decorators decorate, the executives execute and players play. The rest of us -- the overwhelming majority -- will muddle on trying to do our best for those who mean the most to us. We'll deal with our doubts by pushing ahead with what we think is best, at the time. At the end of the day we just have to look back and know that we did our best. And if anyone has a problem with that, then it's their problem, not ours.<br /><br />One Guy's Perspective<br /><br />P.S. If you think being a woman who is not into decorating is looked on as strange, try being a guy who really isn't into sports.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22113198.post-40246067612272932742010-11-20T09:42:27.410-05:002010-11-20T09:42:27.410-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.reneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11045339757296785832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22113198.post-50651400102563696532010-11-20T09:38:56.343-05:002010-11-20T09:38:56.343-05:00Thank you for the feedback on the column and - thi...Thank you for the feedback on the column and - this may surprise you - I think I'd like you too. <br /><br />First - I'm 51. And what do you call them if they're not slacks?!? Pants? Trousers? ;/ <br /><br />I don't really think of myself as uptight or a bit angry but maybe I am. I appreciate your take on the message and my writing. In my one bit of defense, I'd say the sentimental side I have - which is huge but largely invisible to anyone who doesn't know me well or catch me during a moment right here on the blog - is evident in a number of posts over the years. (Nearly all of them are about my boys.) <br /><br />Thing is: I do enjoy my work; I do enjoy decorating (Christmas only but still) and I do enjoy drinks with the girls. You mentioned all those things as a kind of conclusion about 'having it all.' <br /><br />I guess so. It's as good a measure of anything as specious as the idea of "having it all" could possibly mean. <br /><br />I don't think that means I'm proud of being 'edgy' or disparaging of anyone who cries when she watches "Christmas Shoes." Believe me, I am the Queen of Sappy but I seem to hold it in check somehow. Those kinds of feelings about many different things are always - constantly - irrevocably - mixed with a very, very formidable pragmatic, logical, dispassionate streak. <br /><br />That's the part of me that makes me feel so out of touch sometimes. <br />I wish I could give in more fully to the kinds of things I "think" women very naturally think and do. <br /><br />All of this may have done nothing but muddy the message even more. (I know; it's a gift. Only I could post a comment less cogent than the original post.) <br /><br />Thank you again for your thoughtful reply. And for the vote of normalcy. I'll take it. <br />Happy holidays to you, too!reneehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11045339757296785832noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-22113198.post-35082133142052910062010-11-20T08:05:30.150-05:002010-11-20T08:05:30.150-05:00You sound pretty normal, actually. You have more ...You sound pretty normal, actually. You have more company than you think. But I think there are THREE kinds of women, not two. Many women - myself included - who are career-driven, and hardened a bit to the work world, still have a softer side. And we actually like it. We like Christmas books, although we don't wear Christmas sweaters. We organize get- togethers, buy tons of gifts for every occasion (actually we buy ahead and have them already wrapped), we decorate for holidays, bake, cook, and truly enjoy it. AND we do it when we get home from 10 hours at the office where we have done multiple projects. AND we don't pat ourselves on the back for it, OR bitch about doing it.<br />We are prepared for any eventuality, although the gluten free snacks, or benadryl, or hacksaw, or garlic powder might come out of a backpack, rather than a purse. But maybe a purse - and maybe even a designer one. We also change tires, mow the lawn, raise money for charity, and watch football and drink beer on Sundays. I grew up in the 60's - was told I could do it all and have it all - and I have, and I do.<br />From your past few columns, you sound uptight, and a bit angry really. Proud of your hard edge, and a bit down on people with a softer side. Like they're sappy and pathetic. Maybe the negativism is a defense mechanism because of feeling guilty that you're not particularly interested in "women things." That's fine - you're entitled to feel that way.<br />But you should know that one actually CAN have it both ways - success in the work world (without wearing power suits and heels) and genuine pleasure at putting out holiday decorations, and enjoying drinks with the "girls". We have the testosterone, but also the estrogen, and we know how to juggle both. You might consider writing a column on why your tough chick lifestyle seems to make you come across as unhappy and cynical.<br />One other thing - you say "slacks" - like the "perfect black slacks." How old are you? Nobody has said "slacks" in 30 years!<br />By the way, I have not met you, but I think I would like you. And I like your columns, and your "rants." But I guess my "hard edge" comes out in the form of being the devil's advocate. So I had to tell you people can have it both ways. And we like it. There is room for us to peacefully co-exist without judging each other. ( HAHA -or is that what I just did? Can you tell I do columns too?)<br />Happy holiday season!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com