A Replacement Star

I know. You can't stand to read even one more word about Star Jones, late of The View. She turned her "resignation" into a media event and that's saying something - although I'm not sure what. I tired of it too, so this isn't really about Star Jones.

But it is about The View apres Star. The show has already named Meredith Viera's replacement, Rosie O'Donnell. Presumably, she'll bring a different perspective to some of the roundtables that go on during the opening segment of The View. Good for them for trying something sort of surprising and hiring Rosie. I'm pragmatic about this choice mostly because it's immaterial to me - she'll work or she won't and the show will move on with or without Rosie in the months and years ahead.

But now they have to replace Star and that could be another opportunity to do something surprising. Suggestion: hire me. I'll be the voice of the "everywoman" in America watching The View from her family room floor everyday as she chases toddlers, does her crunches, folds laundry or otherwise is not engaged in office life. The one woman on the set - on network television for that matter - who doesn't have the hollywood / television / unreal world perspective that even Elisabeth-with-an-s Hasselbeck (sp?) has by now.

I'm not bringing a lot of television experience to this so I'll make them the deal of the century: they can pay me considerably less than they paid Star and I'll also include in my contract a promise to never charge off a party to ABC. The next logical step here for me is to reach beyond my weekly newspaper column and speak to a larger group. The View works for me.

So, to the intern to the assistant associate producer who has to Google The View everyday and create stacks of web / press clips for the associate producer to show the producer to show the executive producer, I invite you to drop me a note. The last thing The View needs is another mainstream journalist (I use that term loosely give Elisabeth's background as a reality show contestant and Joy Behar's successful career as a comedian) who brings the same old same old to the group. It doesn't need another celebrity. I guarantee you if I were part of that team, I would not only contribute smart, provocative, funny, interesting comments to the topic of the day I promise you that I would also be the one person on the sofa who asks Johnny Depp the really good questions, not the ones provided by the publicists and the movie studio.

I'm sure they already have their short list of replacement Stars - have probably had it in hand for months now. So add me to the list and let's talk. I'll represent the neighbor none of these hosts really have since I live 100 miles from the Upper East Side. I'll be the woman who has real issues raising children because I've never had a nanny in my house. I'll be the person on the couch who can legitimately be starstruck by the appearance of certain guests since I've never once attended a Broadway opening night, a movie premiere or a CD launch party. I can be the voice of the fans watching from the other side of the camera.

It's unlikely. You don't have to tell me that. I have less than zero Q factor. I will bring exactly one new fan to the show - my mother. I can offer The View nothing more than my own personality and perspective - but that's enough if you ask me. I ask you: why not break some rules and ignore the "right" thing to do when filling this space and surprise the entire broadacasting industry by hiring me?

This is definitely worth some consideration and if the assistant associate producer's intern can't see it, I probably have very chance of Barbara Walters seeing it. But it's still worth at least a very good try. So I'm sending this out there - and yes, I can be in midtown at your convenience.