Friday, April 17, 2009

Dream Angels

A few months ago, I read an article titled "How to Talk to Your Guardian Angel." I'm not kidding. It was literally a step-by-step guide to how you can talk to your guardian angel.

I read it but I don't remember one single step outlined in the article. Not one. I do remember that the last time I spent any real time concentrating on anything to do with my guardian angel was when one of our third grade nuns reminded us to leave room for them on our bench seats attached to our desks. I was always one of the good girls - naturally I scooted over every day and made room. I never even questioned how the heavenly body of an angel needed actual physical space.

But what about dream angels? I have no earthly (or ethereal) idea what dream angels are. I do know that Victoria's Secret now offers a "Dream Angel Push-up Bra," which is "their softest push-up ever." Well, if their marketing and advertising can be believed, it would have to be the softest bra ever because it's not only a dream, it's an angel and as such, it holds up your boobs in complete comfort.

I won't even go into a description of the commercial itself. Suffice it to say the woman modeling the dream angel push up bra looked adorable and innocent and lovely and about 19 years old. Why on earth a nineteen-year-old needs to purchase any garment that is specifically designed to push anything up on her body is beyond me.

Product innovations like this can be dangerous for a company like Victoria's Secret. I mean, what happens to the older model, now that it's no longer the softest push-up ever? Is it now sold as the second-softest push up ever? Perfect for when you just don't need that much softness pushing you up? Perfect for you if you want a tough little push-up bra?

There's something wrong with me, I swear to God there is. I despise this stuff - this fantasy image of perfection paraded before women across this country telling us to buy the Dream Angel Push Up Bra because it's the softest one ever. Most women I know buy a new bra semi-annually. I have a friend who buys a couple of new bras every time the country holds midterm elections. I'm not kidding. We might get a new member of Congress but she always gets a couple of new bras in her drawer.

But I'll say this for Victoria's Secret. The country is in tatters. The economy is in a death spiral. And there we have Victoria: still perky, still alluring, still
selling bras for $45 bucks. You gotta love that optimism. It's either that or they're counting on women to get the economy back on track, and look perfectly comfortable and angelic doing it.

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