After years of suffering incredulity, sadness and brooding misery whenever I encountered them, I have to applaud that quintessential “just in case you don’t feel awful about yourself today, here we are, ready to help with that” company: Victoria’s Secret. As noted in previous posts and several newspaper columns, I am finally at peace with old Victoria. Why? The new ad campaign.
I can’t remember every detail. All I know is it promotes yet another new line of underwear called “The Nakeds.” There you go. Finally, the name of the product actually reflects the whole philosophy of the company. There’s never been another company that spent more time, energy, marketing savvy and advertising effort to sell garments that were designed specifically to spend as little time as possible on your body.
And God bless her, Victoria is always coming up with new lines, new approaches, new ways to sell products to women – and the men who love to love women – who want nothing more than to spend upwards of $80 on a fushia colored push-up bra they’ll wear semi-annually. Women who want even more colors and more choices of tiny little panties they’ll never wear on purpose unless everything else is in the laundry basket. Women who love looking at themselves sideways in the mirror to calculate exactly how much their stomachs don’t resemble the ones on the models in the commercials. Wait – you mean not everyone does that? Never mind.
But honestly, I love the idea of a whole collection called The Nakeds. I mean, you can’t call Victoria deceptive. Victoria’s Secret may want to but they can’t exactly sell you “naked” because that would mean a store full of empty hangars. But they can sell you a bra and panties called “The Nakeds” that seemingly will help you get naked, or want to get naked, or something similar in short order.
Maybe they’re really comfortable. Maybe they’re designed so well you feel naked wearing them. In fact, that seems to be the promise: “Bras and panties so light, so bare you’ll wonder if they’re even there.” They’re “smooth and seamless” under clothing. The woman on the home page of the website looks like she is enthralled – that’s one way to describe her expression - with the lightness of her garments.
So there you are. For just $42.50, you too can feel Naked, courtesy of Victoria. Don’t want to feel Naked? You can buy ”Second Skin.” Or something from a line called “Pout.” Or a weekend bralette. (Nope – don’t know what that means.) Or let’s just forget subtlety altogether and purchase something from the Very Sexy line.
I may have aged out of Victoria; I recognize that. All I know is that several years ago, the company reported that their best-selling undergarment was a plain, white bra. This news restored my faith in the good sense of women the world over. I like pretty and sexy and adorable as much as anyone but please. Buying underwear because its label reads “Very Sexy,” or “Second Skin” or “The Nakeds” may just make us look just a little pathetic, right?